These past few weeks I have felt as if I have been living in this state of UNDONE in the Lord's presence.
It's not just in my quiet time in the morning. Truthfully, it's mostly not in my quiet time, but right smack in the middle of breakfast, and then the drive to school, and then the drive home, and then while playing playdough with my little man, and then at lunch, and then when the text comes from my man to say "I love you," and then I'm undone.... and then undone again...and there are tears. Tears over-- over-- I don't even know what-- other than the sheer glory of His Presence invading my space; my everyday mundane space.
He just rolls over me at nearly every moment of the day with the realization of His goodness and mercy in the midst of my mundane. He is wrecking and has wrecked every plan I've ever made. His plans for my days are bringing about the most inconvenient glorious living I've ever experienced. His wrecking ball comes in and beautifies everything around me right now-- even the mundane places; even the hard places.
It looks like this...
Just moments ago I strolled down the sidewalk with my little man riding alongside on his pedal-less bike. All of a sudden, this rush of love and goodness of God washed over me and right then the little bike rider tired out and said, "Hold you, Mama?" with arms outstretched for me to pick him up. (He's two and only refers to himself as in the third person). My heart nearly melts right on the ground. It's not because he's an angel-- in fact-- let's face it, he's solidly TWO! Need I say more?!
He eats cheese right off the block when he can't wait any longer for mom to come help shred it for him. Lord, help me!
This morning, on the ride to school with my three buckled in behind me, I was quietly undone.
Here are these three siblings with no shared biological DNA laughing and giggling with one another. God knit them together in three other women's wombs, and then chose to give them all the same last name.
Undone. How could He be so good?
The other night I volunteered with my oldest at her Middle School Fall Social activity. I thought my heart was going to suffocate as I watched her navigate interacting with her friends, then come and hang with me, then again with her friends-- all new friends at a new school. And when they didn't look for her when she was with me, the mama bear in me wanted to go ask them if they'd include her. NOT COOL MOM! My inner voice of reason screamed. I listened...this time.
She stood by me co-hosting the s'mores table.
My little big girl, still full of so much innocence, wanted to be by her Mama. I'm not yet totally uncool. Oh Jesus, may I never be totally uncool...I don't know if I could handle that. She preferred my company at that moment to the company of her new friends. I struggled to hold back the tears at the thought.
In retrospect, it's possible she may have had ulterior motives that may have had something to do with more s'mores for her.... I'm going to pretend it was less about the chocolate, graham cracker, marshmallow goodness and more about time with Mom. Yeah. That's what I'm going with.
My second-born, my tender-hearted, fashion-savvy, funny girl rides in the car with me on her way to school. We're just riding along when I tell her I love her. She says she loves me more. I tell her I love her the mostest. She doubles that. Quickly we are laughing and competing for the way to say I love you more than you could possibly ever love me. I catch a glimpse of her giant smile in the rear-view mirror.
Undone. I'm undone.
He reminds me that in His grace and mercy (both to my man and I and to our children) He has rescued them by placing them into our arms and our hearts. He reminds me that I haven't always remembered (and still often forget) the privilege it is to be a Mama. To be THEIR Mama.
He reminds me that we have three precious ones we sponsor through Compassion International who are in hard places, navigating life as they swim upstream against the current of generational poverty and hopelessness.
He whispers, "Because I have given them to you to sponsor, they have a hope that will never cease. They have the hope of salvation. Their eternity is or will be secure, and their tummies will not be hungry. Because I have entrusted them to you to sponsor, they will be protected from so much evil they see and others experience all around them."
I don't always think this way, but it has become a trend over the past month. I am thankful to be undone by His grace and goodness.
Yet, at 4:00 p.m. in the middle of dinner prep when everything and everyone in my house is combusting, I'm praying to remember these moments and the tenderness of each, in order than I might demonstrate grace to my littlest disciples who are watching me so closely that it terrifies me.
Where are you finding yourself UNDONE as His presence invades your mundane? Is He wrecking your plans? Are you allowing Him to do whatever He wills in and through you? What is that looking like? I'm dying to know, dear reader. And those that read here will be encouraged, challenged, and given fresh wind in their sail as they read your answers. So please don't leave without leaving an answer in the comments section to at least one of the above questions. We need your voice on this too.
I am thankful you continue to join me on this journey and never take for granted that you choose to spend a few moments letting my words enter your world.